Depression: Through the Pain

You CAN make it through the pain.

“The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Goldhor Lerner

on June 13, 2013

Good morning!

Today’s book selection is “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Goldhor Lerner.  It is geared to women, but would be helpful for anyone dealing with anger issues in themselves or others.  One of the most helpful topics in the book is the explanation of the moves and countermoves to expect when one member of the relationship wants to change the “dance.”  “The Dance of Anger” may be invaluable if relationship struggles accompany your depression.  Here is an excerpt to see what you think:

      Countermoves are the other person’s unconscious attempt to restore a relationship to its prior balance or equilibrium, when anxiety about separateness and change gets too high.  Other people do not make countermoves simply because they are dominating, controlling, or chauvinistic.  They may or may not be these things, but that is almost beside the point.  Countermoves are an expression of anxiety, as well as of closeness and attachment.


      Our job is to keep clear about our own position in the face of a countermove—not to prevent it from happening or to tell the other person that he or she should not be reacting that way.  Most of us want the impossible.  We want to control not only our own decisions and choices but also the other person’s reactions to them.  We not only want to make a change; we want the other person to like the change that we make.  We want to move ahead to a higher level of assertiveness and clarity and then receive praise and reinforcement from those very people who have chosen us for our old familiar ways. 

I’ll be back tomorrow.

Blessings, Elizabeth

*** If you are new to this blog, it is best to start by reading “About” and the first entry that was posted on May 13, 2013.  Then read each consecutive entry, one per day.  Welcome!



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